I have a few "friends"?
That's the wrong word.
I have some people who invite me over.
I was suspicious of these people initially when while being asked over, would remind me "not to forget wearing" my "favorite dress". It's this stipulation that had me skeptical.
Being a Friday night, they entertain with dinner & drinks in their home.
They are rich engineers in aerospace. I'm a high school drop out. Anyway, I usually have no problems getting along with people.
They paired me with a bleached blond "date" and took us out. I've always thought the one who invites picks up the bill, but on top of being miserable for hours, I got stuck with paying my half and the blonds too.
They got their usual laughs out of me, that doesn't hurt much.
I listened to their high class bs, one got a plaque, one blew 500 dollars at the casino,blah,blah,etc.
While listening, I recalled one night last summer.
I got plastered at their house, no they didn't force it down my throat. Then thunder & lightening could be heard. I told them I felt unsure of my drive home, being drunk & with the storm.
They have 2 spare bedrooms & routinely fit 4 couples overnight on couches and so forth. I kinda thought it was logical to keep me overnight, but when I mentioned this, they promptly showed me the door and mentioned their cleaning lady arrives early on Sundays.
"Shit", I thought...are they really friends ?, sending me off blind drunk during a storm.
Friends, real ones are few.Phonies are a penny for a baker's dozen.I Won't be seeing them anymore.
Saturday, February 19
Tuesday, February 15
my drunken Valentine friend
My phone rang every half hour & even less throughout the weekend from one person. My friend living in New Jersey is in trouble......again. We've been friends since I was 19, I grew up, (to some extent) and he did not. In our late teens, he was incredibly aggressive, e.g. bar room brawls, DWIs, pissing in front of a court house, etc. He was once a real looker & ladies' man. Before he got knifed in the face & punched out so much, his facial features are now crooked. He had to lie & claim to be suicidal to get detox treatment cause he had no insurance.
He was in and out of rehabs. He's the typical Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Friendly, helpful and very considerate sober & raging explosively when drunk. He moved, married and had three children over the course of years, we still kept in touch, but distance kept us from being best buddies anymore.
He is facing jail time and divorce, drinking heavily. My efforts failed from the beginning to help him at all. I still try. He needs mental assessment & treatment loads more than jail. I mean this a guy 0f 40 with the mind of an adolescent.
That was my weekend, answering constant calls to a drunken, senseless, raging friend and that is the purpose of friendship, right? to be there, no matter what.
Above,he is seated beside my granny.
He was in and out of rehabs. He's the typical Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Friendly, helpful and very considerate sober & raging explosively when drunk. He moved, married and had three children over the course of years, we still kept in touch, but distance kept us from being best buddies anymore.
He is facing jail time and divorce, drinking heavily. My efforts failed from the beginning to help him at all. I still try. He needs mental assessment & treatment loads more than jail. I mean this a guy 0f 40 with the mind of an adolescent.
That was my weekend, answering constant calls to a drunken, senseless, raging friend and that is the purpose of friendship, right? to be there, no matter what.
Above,he is seated beside my granny.
Tuesday, February 1
Anna
Last night I watched a film called Boating with Jack.
I liked it. It isn't glamorous. I like raw & natural where things aren't polished up to a blinding shine.I like the everyday appeal in things. REAL.
No matter how I strive, I could never be as honest & exposed as Anna.
"This is me without make-up." I accept uncensored comments. I am here to take a bashing.
She writes straight from her mind to the post and "leaves". I think of it as leaving because there'll be a trail of comments, many anonymous. She doesn't bother addressing them. Some don't deserve it anyway. I like her "I don't give a sh*t" type of attitude.
She's free & relaxed. She mentioned something about being "in" to herself, maybe I don't remember her exact wording..something about being narcissistic.
I think she has good reason to feel this way. It's justified because she's herself & unique.
I would not be receptive to this type of commenting.
So the comments seem like they came from hell and there they sit, unattended & abandoned, like ashes.
We anticipate her eagerly, never predictable. Love it!
Wednesday, January 26
Broken Windows
After my 2nd discharge from the hospital(I was re-admitted for being unable to sleep)
I had complained of insomnia during admission to the nurses, who failed to inform the docs.
So the 2nd admission, I got another MRI of the brain(doc noted it to be "acutely normal")I got another EEG, the electrodes are "glued" to the scalp with some gooey white stuff.
I suspect these tests weren't that necessary, my only complaint, after all was insomnia.I was kept overnight and since I had a record of over doing it, denied me tranquilizers in favor of Seroquel.
After discharge, I began thinking my neighborhood was getting much worse.
Twice in a week, my windows were getting smashed. The first time, it was a window at the top of my long stairway. Not just the regular window, but also the storm window was smashed.
The next morning I was struck with alarm noticing the damage.
I called the landlord and since it was summer, he said it would be fixed before the week was over.
I wondered who & why anyone would be smashing my window. Then a few days later another window was broken, again close to my staircase. Another call to the landlord..so the guy who's to fix it, comes inside, I show him the windows and he tells me I'm the one breaking them! All the broken glass was outside, none inside on the floor.
Now how is that possible? My ex came to stay with me and she verified that indeed, I was the culprit.
I was taking Seroquel nightly, as prescribed. It knocked me out so completely, I "barely" made my way to bed.
Climbing stairs after dinner every night was a desperate subconscious effort to get into bed, one that I had no recollection of upon awakening.
I was not warned of the drug being so incapacitating, or of the diabetes it caused me.
Within a year after stopping it on my own, my blood sugar came down to normal.
I got back on my Xanax and have never slumbered against walls & windows since.
I had complained of insomnia during admission to the nurses, who failed to inform the docs.
So the 2nd admission, I got another MRI of the brain(doc noted it to be "acutely normal")I got another EEG, the electrodes are "glued" to the scalp with some gooey white stuff.
I suspect these tests weren't that necessary, my only complaint, after all was insomnia.I was kept overnight and since I had a record of over doing it, denied me tranquilizers in favor of Seroquel.
After discharge, I began thinking my neighborhood was getting much worse.
Twice in a week, my windows were getting smashed. The first time, it was a window at the top of my long stairway. Not just the regular window, but also the storm window was smashed.
The next morning I was struck with alarm noticing the damage.
I called the landlord and since it was summer, he said it would be fixed before the week was over.
I wondered who & why anyone would be smashing my window. Then a few days later another window was broken, again close to my staircase. Another call to the landlord..so the guy who's to fix it, comes inside, I show him the windows and he tells me I'm the one breaking them! All the broken glass was outside, none inside on the floor.
Now how is that possible? My ex came to stay with me and she verified that indeed, I was the culprit.
I was taking Seroquel nightly, as prescribed. It knocked me out so completely, I "barely" made my way to bed.
Climbing stairs after dinner every night was a desperate subconscious effort to get into bed, one that I had no recollection of upon awakening.
I was not warned of the drug being so incapacitating, or of the diabetes it caused me.
Within a year after stopping it on my own, my blood sugar came down to normal.
I got back on my Xanax and have never slumbered against walls & windows since.
Thursday, January 20
calls from granny
If anyone reads my junk much, here's a warning.....You will begin to loathe it. Much of my thoughts are centered around dresses & the rest, my late granny. I think of her so much, cause it makes me happy. I really smile when she enters my thoughts.
In her declining years, granny's phone calls changed. Her calls were up till then, short and direct, one "how are ya doing?", followed by short facts. Later, I'd answer the phone late at night, knowing it was granny, as it became routine.
"I don't know...I'm worried about the water bill."
"Really, granny?"
"I think one of my tenants is spiteful, he must be flushing the toilet all day." "Hmm."
"He's no good. That son of a b*tch. "
"Let me change my shoes. I wanna be comfortable."
"Okay."
Pause.
"The hairdresser ruined my hair!", she's jealous of me.",
"Can you hold on? I wanna brush my teeth before I get too tired."
"Sure." She'd bring her tooth brush to the phone and I'd hear her brushing & a few minutes later she'd put the phone down and go rinse.
"I'm back!"
The calls lasted an hour or more, interrupted by various pauses while granny had me "hold the wire" as she did this and that. Whatever granny wanted to do was okay by me, cause she put up with my sh*t.
I really wish she'd call once more, announcing "I'm back." but that's what dreaming is for.
In her declining years, granny's phone calls changed. Her calls were up till then, short and direct, one "how are ya doing?", followed by short facts. Later, I'd answer the phone late at night, knowing it was granny, as it became routine.
"I don't know...I'm worried about the water bill."
"Really, granny?"
"I think one of my tenants is spiteful, he must be flushing the toilet all day." "Hmm."
"He's no good. That son of a b*tch. "
"Let me change my shoes. I wanna be comfortable." "Okay."
Pause.
"The hairdresser ruined my hair!", she's jealous of me.",
"Can you hold on? I wanna brush my teeth before I get too tired."
"Sure." She'd bring her tooth brush to the phone and I'd hear her brushing & a few minutes later she'd put the phone down and go rinse.
"I'm back!"
The calls lasted an hour or more, interrupted by various pauses while granny had me "hold the wire" as she did this and that. Whatever granny wanted to do was okay by me, cause she put up with my sh*t.
I really wish she'd call once more, announcing "I'm back." but that's what dreaming is for.
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