black and blues

No sooner than my head touches the pillow and I'm fast asleep, sometimes before I've gotten that far.
I awoke on the floor a few days ago and now have horrible black and purple bruises. Three on all sides of one knee on my opposite arm and thigh and ankle.
Then I banged into something and tripped at the grocery store and have two toes taped together.

Things will get better. I spent some time where I wanted to be.

the bluest of a July day

Escapism.
Hedonism.
I can only take myself seriously for a limited period each day.
I get tired of being "responsible", of being necessarily serious and of dignity.
That's OK for the time I mask myself for society.
Somethings are best left unseen, for example, me in a dress.
I think if I were gay,I would not stay in the closet.
I'm getting older, not wiser, but definitely older.
I have really gorgeous beaded gowns and dresses that are quite formal. Some that I'd wear to parties, to concerts,to clubs.
I've spent the summer painting houses and I make just enough to pay my rent, to buy my favorite cheeses, Brie and Danish Blue. I read books from the library.
When I was young and had much more money, I bought hard-to-obtain books. One was an autographed book by Andy Warhol. I still have my rare book collection, although I have little money these days.
I'm sitting with a few ice cold beers. I've been drinking in excess every night. It soothes and comforts me. I remember a quarrel last night, but not the subject. Last night I decided I needed a little bit of disappearance. I wanted no company but silence.
I really get into moods where silence is my best companion and my beer and my xanax and elavil.The elavil is really the best because I'm on the highest dosage, but have spares and when I take two, it wipes me right out.
I've had a rough time these past few weeks.I strain to maintain a bit of happiness.
I look into the mirror and smile for a long time.
I smile a lot when I'm depressed. It's senseless, but I believe by smiling it may trigger something in my brain and maybe a little joy will register in my brain.
I try tricks on my brain.
It's probably a very weak and small brain and I figure I can cheat it well.
But it's probably best kept in a sedate state when I'm unhappy.
I've noticed recently in my dealings with others that I'm always wrong.
And shortly I'll be asleep and that's something I look forward to so much. It's waking up lately that is the saddest part of my day.

Annnnnaaaaa ! Please be in this world!

I never heard her voice or saw her in person. I only knew Anna through her words and photos. I hope to hear that she really hasn't left this world. Anna, you are special and everyone loved reading about you.You're unique and beautiful and I hope that it's all untrue. I feel sick, really. Please be here.
"Anna Young...
*She's alright and I'm glad for that.

junk piles and cotton panties

My car parked in the drive way has even more scratches and dings on it than ever.
The drive way is used as a junk pile and metal scrap facility.
The other tenants get good money, especially for copper and soon will be piled with broken air conditioners and worse,for me is the tiny shards of broken glass and nails.

This is where I'd rather be,close to water.
It's so hot, humid and nasty that I've decided my briefs are too heavy. I'm going to the ladies department and pick up some thin cotton panties.Even the pouch on my briefs is adding more fabric than I need.

"You're not my type....but I like you"

I need closeness and skin to skin contact. Where am I goin'? I'll pause before I get there.. I had a date this weekend. She told me I wasn't her "type" We were nowhere near my disclosing the dressing thing. "So why's that?" I asked. "You're kind of scrawny, but I like your voice, it's deep." The way she flashed her teeth reminded me of a rabid dog. She seemed as though she was gritting her teeth, but that's how she smiled. It looked painful. Physical attraction matters, initially at least, but I consider personality first. My friend and I will never fight over a girl. He's into bones, malnourished & anorectic. (what once was called "a carpenter's dream") When we're looking, our eyes never follow the same girl and that's perfect. Bones poking from underneath is not sexy.