having a bad time

The whole month of July brought me so many troubles.
Too depressed to really focus on anything.
The major factor was that I brought Mitzie to a groomer because of tangles in her hair. I wanted her to get a good haircut mainly. She's a tiny Yorkie with very fine hair and I like to keep her hair longer cause that's her at her cutest.
Well, I brought her to a groomer only because I wanted her few tangles removed and the damned bitch did accept her, but upon picking her up said " I reported you to the dog warden because of the matting. "
She threatened to remove my Mitzie from my custody {something I could not live with}
I love my dog. I spoil my dog with food better than I eat myself.
This completely devastated me as I love Mitzie so much.
Anna Grace has a Yorkie and I've read many a post where her separation from her dog was something that caused her extreme emotional heartbreak. I understand her heartbreak, especially after feeling the possibility of my Yorkie separation first hand.
It was an awful July and since, I've brought my Yorkie to another groomer every 2 weeks as to show the importance of her existence in my life.
So , yeah I wallowed in pain and an excess of beer.
I hope August isn't as traumatic as July.
I'm going through my savings because I haven't since found a painting job.
America is truly suffering unemployment. I 've suffered through and experienced it so well myself.
I need my Mitzie. Please join me in the hopes that she will not be removed from my custody and my life.

I like his kimono

Remember this song? He's almost too pretty, but I love that kimono.
Rushing to the dance floor every time they played this song.

black and blues

No sooner than my head touches the pillow and I'm fast asleep, sometimes before I've gotten that far.
I awoke on the floor a few days ago and now have horrible black and purple bruises. Three on all sides of one knee on my opposite arm and thigh and ankle.
Then I banged into something and tripped at the grocery store and have two toes taped together.

Things will get better. I spent some time where I wanted to be.

the bluest of a July day

Escapism.
Hedonism.
I can only take myself seriously for a limited period each day.
I get tired of being "responsible", of being necessarily serious and of dignity.
That's OK for the time I mask myself for society.
Somethings are best left unseen, for example, me in a dress.
I think if I were gay,I would not stay in the closet.
I'm getting older, not wiser, but definitely older.
I have really gorgeous beaded gowns and dresses that are quite formal. Some that I'd wear to parties, to concerts,to clubs.
I've spent the summer painting houses and I make just enough to pay my rent, to buy my favorite cheeses, Brie and Danish Blue. I read books from the library.
When I was young and had much more money, I bought hard-to-obtain books. One was an autographed book by Andy Warhol. I still have my rare book collection, although I have little money these days.
I'm sitting with a few ice cold beers. I've been drinking in excess every night. It soothes and comforts me. I remember a quarrel last night, but not the subject. Last night I decided I needed a little bit of disappearance. I wanted no company but silence.
I really get into moods where silence is my best companion and my beer and my xanax and elavil.The elavil is really the best because I'm on the highest dosage, but have spares and when I take two, it wipes me right out.
I've had a rough time these past few weeks.I strain to maintain a bit of happiness.
I look into the mirror and smile for a long time.
I smile a lot when I'm depressed. It's senseless, but I believe by smiling it may trigger something in my brain and maybe a little joy will register in my brain.
I try tricks on my brain.
It's probably a very weak and small brain and I figure I can cheat it well.
But it's probably best kept in a sedate state when I'm unhappy.
I've noticed recently in my dealings with others that I'm always wrong.
And shortly I'll be asleep and that's something I look forward to so much. It's waking up lately that is the saddest part of my day.

Annnnnaaaaa ! Please be in this world!

I never heard her voice or saw her in person. I only knew Anna through her words and photos. I hope to hear that she really hasn't left this world. Anna, you are special and everyone loved reading about you.You're unique and beautiful and I hope that it's all untrue. I feel sick, really. Please be here.
"Anna Young...
*She's alright and I'm glad for that.