Remember this song? He's almost too pretty, but I love that kimono.
Rushing to the dance floor every time they played this song.
Sunday, July 24
Friday, July 15
black and blues
No sooner than my head touches the pillow and I'm fast asleep, sometimes before I've gotten that far.
I awoke on the floor a few days ago and now have horrible black and purple bruises. Three on all sides of one knee on my opposite arm and thigh and ankle.
Then I banged into something and tripped at the grocery store and have two toes taped together.
Things will get better. I spent some time where I wanted to be.
Friday, July 8
the bluest of a July day
Escapism.
Hedonism.
I can only take myself seriously for a limited period each day.
I get tired of being "responsible", of being necessarily serious and of dignity.
That's OK for the time I mask myself for society.
Somethings are best left unseen, for example, me in a dress.
I think if I were gay,I would not stay in the closet.
I'm getting older, not wiser, but definitely older.
I have really gorgeous beaded gowns and dresses that are quite formal. Some that I'd wear to parties, to concerts,to clubs.
I've spent the summer painting houses and I make just enough to pay my rent, to buy my favorite cheeses, Brie and Danish Blue. I read books from the library.
When I was young and had much more money, I bought hard-to-obtain books. One was an autographed book by Andy Warhol. I still have my rare book collection, although I have little money these days.
I'm sitting with a few ice cold beers. I've been drinking in excess every night. It soothes and comforts me. I remember a quarrel last night, but not the subject. Last night I decided I needed a little bit of disappearance. I wanted no company but silence.
I really get into moods where silence is my best companion and my beer and my xanax and elavil.The elavil is really the best because I'm on the highest dosage, but have spares and when I take two, it wipes me right out.
I've had a rough time these past few weeks.I strain to maintain a bit of happiness.
I look into the mirror and smile for a long time.
I smile a lot when I'm depressed. It's senseless, but I believe by smiling it may trigger something in my brain and maybe a little joy will register in my brain.
I try tricks on my brain.
It's probably a very weak and small brain and I figure I can cheat it well.
But it's probably best kept in a sedate state when I'm unhappy.
I've noticed recently in my dealings with others that I'm always wrong.
And shortly I'll be asleep and that's something I look forward to so much. It's waking up lately that is the saddest part of my day.
Hedonism.
I can only take myself seriously for a limited period each day.
I get tired of being "responsible", of being necessarily serious and of dignity.
That's OK for the time I mask myself for society.
Somethings are best left unseen, for example, me in a dress.
I think if I were gay,I would not stay in the closet.
I'm getting older, not wiser, but definitely older.
I have really gorgeous beaded gowns and dresses that are quite formal. Some that I'd wear to parties, to concerts,to clubs.
I've spent the summer painting houses and I make just enough to pay my rent, to buy my favorite cheeses, Brie and Danish Blue. I read books from the library.
When I was young and had much more money, I bought hard-to-obtain books. One was an autographed book by Andy Warhol. I still have my rare book collection, although I have little money these days.
I'm sitting with a few ice cold beers. I've been drinking in excess every night. It soothes and comforts me. I remember a quarrel last night, but not the subject. Last night I decided I needed a little bit of disappearance. I wanted no company but silence.
I really get into moods where silence is my best companion and my beer and my xanax and elavil.The elavil is really the best because I'm on the highest dosage, but have spares and when I take two, it wipes me right out.
I've had a rough time these past few weeks.I strain to maintain a bit of happiness.
I look into the mirror and smile for a long time.
I smile a lot when I'm depressed. It's senseless, but I believe by smiling it may trigger something in my brain and maybe a little joy will register in my brain.
I try tricks on my brain.
It's probably a very weak and small brain and I figure I can cheat it well.
But it's probably best kept in a sedate state when I'm unhappy.
I've noticed recently in my dealings with others that I'm always wrong.
And shortly I'll be asleep and that's something I look forward to so much. It's waking up lately that is the saddest part of my day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)