Thursday, December 2

My childhood (request by Anna)

This was requested by Anna and I thank you, Anna for giving me something to write about.
How about a couch to lye on? Hmm and maybe you could put on a white lab coat and eye glasses.?
Could you please take some notes down in my file? Because the request comes from Anna, I'm smiling and feeling giggly. She has this effect on me.
Okay, enough, my childhood...just promise me, no more MRI's of my brain afterwards. I had 3 in 1 year, that's enough for me. no EEGs of my brain either, It's tough washing that toothpaste outta my hair.
Anna, lol, ahem,
My Childhood,
My Gramps and Granny raised me from age 2 through 8. Gramps was aloof and tough, no messing around with him.
Granny was sweet but too overly protective.
The youngest of three children, she favored me. She dressed me is sissy clothes, not dresses, but still pretty sissified. She got me white shoes and expected them to stay white but I was a boy, I liked to play rough. I got my ears chewed off for not keeping them white and pristine. So she got me another pair,these were to be my regular pair and the dirty ones, my "play shoes."
My memories of my parents during this time are fuzzy. I figured I was Gramp's and Granny's kid.
Granny bought me a coloring book. I didn't color beyond the lines but I did one catastrophic thing, I colored the oranges yellow cause I thought they were grapefruits. Ouch! Granny barked through my ears no end.
Anna.... where has she gone now????
She enticed me with more coloring books after that barking session, but I was DONE. No way could she ever get me into those coloring books again. She expected perfection in every facet of a young child's life.
Granny liked curly hair and began fussing and "training" mine into a wavier texture, again more sissification, but I loved my Granny despite the ridiculous do.
Grades K-7 were fun, fond years. I had many friends, boys & girls. I was pretty much a clown with a smart-alec attitude. I was very mischievous and curious. My grades were a mixed bag except in language, spelling and art where I got As and the usual (for me) F in math among the Cs & Ds.
When my parent moved before 8th grade, I felt misplaced. I was sent to parochial school and taught by nuns. My knowledge of Catholicism was extremely limited. I found the nuns in their black & white habits very intimidating. I didn't fit in, on the contrary, I became very withdrawn and sullen. During recess, I'd stay alone in the classroom, trying to teach myself arithmetic.
We moved again. I became even more introverted.
...Anna, wake up, please. You're falling asleep on me......Anna!
I was now a freshman and outcast in High School. I was in pain (emotional) during my attendance. I wanted to disappear. I fantasied a lot during school. I fantasied about utopia a lot, somewhere where I'd be happy and fit in.
My parents were worried in my shift in behavior. I was taken to a psyche doc who after several sessions found me so pitiable, he took it upon himself to release me from school for one year. I was tutored at home and finally learned math.
Anna..Anna, Wake up, Anna. After all you asked! lol.
Now I was a sophomore back at school. Unwilling to accept torment any longer, I carried a flask of whiskey with me to school and some Darvons I found. Between the 2 of them I got through the school day in a cloudy, happy, dazed kind of way. I learned nothing. I'd lost interest in learning and only looked forward to turning 16 and dropping out. I did make some friends with some very kind colored girls. Tracy, she had a certain walk, catlike..I looked up to her and she shared her cigarettes with me as we walked home together.
I didn't find my niche yet but was searching. I had high admiration for the homeless people sleeping in the park, all they possessed inside ratty bags beside them.
I liked their defiance of society. I liked their dignity. I admired their being dignified. I got to know them individually. I'd bring them pints of alcohol. They were always very happy to see me for that reason. They told me their life stories, the good the bad, everything. Now finally I was a disciplined student, studying LIFE, the realities of life on the streets. If they had graded me I'd probably be an A student. At this same time I met ..
Anna, you've fallen asleep on me,... Anna...ANNA!!!
Okay, that's better, try to stay awake, please.
I met Alf. Not the "alien life form" but a human life form. He was 4 yrs older than me, slept on a bench and ate from dumpsters. I got to know him, indeed a character. I taught him how to get free food from McDonalds and he educated me about a revolution in music.
He was so tall and reed thin and the way he dressed was a sight. He had huge, lifeless, sad blue orbs that were always sleep deprived.
He had friends who became my friends. We went to concerts, hung out,smoked pot. Pot made me laugh and then hallucinate with paranoia. I remember asking my friend Dave if he wasn't really a spy from outerspace getting information on Earthlings. I got suspicious. Passerbies too were spies. I'd be in outer space first level, then in middle ground somewhere if there was one and then back to reality and the park bench. I'd stall forever before going home because I didn't want my parent to see me so incoherent as I was.
No more pot for me. I bought The Plasmatics albums, The Ramones, Sex Pistols, Iggy Pop, Black Flag, Anti-Nowhere League. I loved music and my friends. They liked dressing outrageously but I was pretty conservative except for some chains and my ratty leather jacket. It was around this time I began a preoccupation with dresses. I hid it.
They were older than me. A couple had girlfriends. One guy's girl was very boyish and flat chested and somehow got away with being bare chested like the guys. She's get punched out by her bf and it drove me insane. I socked him right back sometimes. She was sad and troubled. Once I really wanted to kiss her, though the bf was right there. She was crying after being punched for taking off her shirt by her bullying bf. Looking at her bare chested and crying, she looked so beautiful to me, but at 16 I was sexually innocent, sexually shy.
At a club, I sat beside a girl who just sprang over to me and asked for a kiss. OOOOooweeeeee! Now I was nearly there. But what would she think of my dresses?
Pass the tissues please.LOL!
She whispered things in my ears I'd dreamt about. Wow! Still I was too awkward & shy to take her up on it.
I'd need a dozen more hands to count the number of times I passed out on the dance floor, I couldn't keep track of the number of drinks I had once I was drunk and no desire to count them. I was reckless.
Anna's gone to sleep again. I've bored her to sleep. That's the effect I have on girls.
This ones for you Anna, cause "She's the kind of girl who wants to know your deepest secret world."

8 comments:

Unknown said...

I love this blog! Feeling very scatterered and dissociated today and its comforting to read blog written by kind of normal-seeming crossdresser. Other freaks make you feel less freakish they do..

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Hi,
Thanks.
When I feel like that I take a walk, play with my dogs or get some kind of exercise going.
I'll check out your blog more thoroughly.
j.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

You really are a good writer.

I was the class clown. I was voted that. Go figure. I can relate to your not being thrilled with school. It bored me to tears. I ran off to the library and read about Andy Warhol and Aleister Crowley and dreamed of the day I could make my escape! Laugh.

DumbBaby, I think anyone with half a brain feels like a freak. We're in good company, man.

Love,

SB

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Hi and thanks Sarcastic,
I loved Andy Warhol's A-Z and Everything in Between and Ultra Violet's, autobiography.
And some biographies on Eddie Sedgewick,Nico,etc....
I'm not reading a book at the moment.
Glad to see you :D !!!
j.

Gledwood said...

Hi I just wanted to say thanks for the comments you left at mine. Did you know your dog looks just like Anna Grace's Eleanor Rigby.

I can understand why a man would want to wear dresses, because some dresses are really funky and it takes all sorts... you know what I mean? But why do some men wear women's underwear? Which only they (presumably) know about. The former I understand because it's surely as much about image as anything else; the latter is presumably about feeling a certain way rather than looking it and it puzzles me ... and if you're wondering why I'm going on about it, it stems to an event in childhood where a certain man had on his wife's knickers because he "had no fresh clean ones" of his own ...

Hey, isn't it Friday? Wow!!

Anonymous said...

I was late reading this, and no I didn't fall asleep. I agree your a good writer. The only dissapontment is you didn't tell us about loosing you virginity. Were you wearing a dress? I am assuming you have lost it. You didn't stay painfully shy with girls/Woman?
Your dog does look like my Elle. The small dog up top, your holding.
Where do you live, Stateside or in the UK? How old are you? I looked at your profile, but it didn't show these facts.
Anna
XOXO

Anonymous said...

Oh I forgot, did you ever kiss the girl with the flat chest that got beat up?

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Hi and thanks for visiting Gledwood,
My only guess is the guy with the panties wants to feel close to the girl who'd been wearing them but I really don't know.

Anna, hey you !
I'm 42, an old man already (though I don't think I look it)It depend on whose eyes, I guess.
I live in CT.
The rest I'll post up.
You didn't fall asleep reading my drivel????
I'm surprised! :)
j.